Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
