every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
