Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Never joke about your clitoris.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
