how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
