Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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