Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I will be naked everywhere
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
