Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
