remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
