Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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