We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
