yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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