i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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