Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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