he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
