There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
