you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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