Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
