thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
