do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
this is an emotional support booty call
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
