Non-Jews are for practice
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
