i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
