He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
