I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
