He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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