Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
