so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
