3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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