Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
