I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
