Will you blow on my dice?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
