well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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