Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
