I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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