Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
