One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
