well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
