you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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