My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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