I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
