I don't think brook has ever known best
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
