She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
