if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
