i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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