It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
