dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
