I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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