Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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