I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
