Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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