and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
