You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
