At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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