my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
